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HAPPYFISHZ;
快乐鱼
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JingJie 19 // Athletics Faith. Focus. Finish |
Awesomest | November 2012December 2012January 2013February 2013June 2013August 2013September 2013February 2014May 2014August 2014February 2015March 2015June 2015August 2015January 2016February 2016March 2016July 2016September 2016July 2018 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Saturday, 14 July 2018
❛ The end of one, is the beginning of another. ❜
Back in January 2016 , I wrote a blog post about the end of my exhilarating journey in Track & Field because God called me to do more in Church. But, I wasn't sure in what area I can do more and contribute in. A few weeks after I stepped away from competitive training, I was placed in the national training team and was also awarded the Peter Lim Scholarship. I achieved all these with only 6 months of training in a new event (400m Hurdles). With such achievements, it was natural that my coach and some of my friends asked why I'm not running anymore and even asked for my return back to competitive running. This actually happens once in awhile, even up til now. But I wouldn't blame them. Throughout the past 2 years, I have never explained myself properly because even I myself didn't know exactly what I'm called to do. First, some background info!! If y'all read my previous 2 posts about my intern as a PE teacher in Bedok View, y'all would know that I love youths and I want to make a difference in their lives. Because of this, I was actually given a opportunity to join FLY Zone (Youth) in September 2016. I love hanging out with the youths, love attending CGs and service 1 on Saturdays together. Even though I love the moments there, I was never sure if this is the area God called me to do and I was not ready to give my very best because of past failed experiences. So I just cruised on the surface level since I had the capacity, time and God called me to do more, so why not? Somehow,I cruised for almost 2 years. In this time of cruising, I also enlisted into National Service. The first 2 months, I had thoughts about whether I could continue doing what I was doing here. Booking out on Fridays and sometimes, Saturdays meant that I couldn't spend my rest day at home like the rest of the people. But I will always remember why I held on. I remember how great a feeling it is to be back in the house of God, praising, worshiping Him, being in His presence, hanging out with youths and His people. A few months ago, I got promoted to be a leader in Church. My leaders have always told me and believed in me since 2014. Telling me that I will and can be a leader someday. Took me 4 years but it guess it’s never too late. I will never take this leadership/ title for granted or to abuse it. Because I know very well what a great responsibility a leader in HOGC holds. It's not just any ordinary leadership we have in schools, but this leadership deals with lives and destinies of people. Being entrusted with people means, I'll have to be able to give my best, if not it isn't fair to the people. It gives me great joy to see people encounter, grow in God and the significance behind what we do brings warmth to my heart. Recently, something inside of me just changed. The way I look at things, the way I think. God has encouraged me and shown me that this is what He has called me to do. But I also know that, there is something more and something greater. I have not seen it all yet but I'm on the right direction. This is honestly just the beginning, my heart is expectant for many more blessings and breakthroughs that has yet to come. It WILL happen. I am super encouraged and I just wanted to share with everyone. It's okay if you've not found your purpose. It took me 3 years. 5 if you count how long I’ve been in church. You might feel frustrated, confused or sad because of the uncertainty, it’s okay. Just stay close and keep going. To my friends who are wondering why I made certain decisions for track and also in NS. I feel like I have finally gotten the answer.. & it doesn't stop here. I'll keep going. |
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Monday, 12 September 2016
❛ I'll be back. ❜
After 2 blog posts about my internship, this will be the final one and probably the most emotional one I have to write. I've spent the past week thinking and thinking. It has been tough getting these thoughts out and actually typing it down. It's tough not because I don't wish to share but because there feels like there's so much emotion and its hard to share it in a way where people will truly understand. Whatever it is, I'm gonna try my best. I'm not even going to talk about my experience here because its so so amazing. I'm probably just gonna answer a question that many people have asked me and also one question I kept asking myself. 1. Out of all places you can go, why did you choose to come back to Bedok View? I think this question has been asked the most by students because most of my friends already know how much this place mean to me. Ever since I graduated, I've always felt bad in some way. I know I was a pretty messed up student who didn't contribute much to anyone or anything. I was also a very bad classmate to all my friends. Ok, maybe I contributed to the track team to a certain extent but I always feel that I can do a lot more. Not just in terms of results but more in way of making a difference in someone's life. At the same time, I also kind of wanted to prove to certain people that I'm not the same as before. I know there are still lots of teachers who has a bad impression of me and I also really wanted to take the opportunity to show them that the boy they used to see is gone. I'm a brand new man. In terms of coaching, I'm confident most of the time but I've never really felt comfortable talking/ coaching. I needed more time to do so and I felt that coming back to my alma mater would be the best. I know the teachers, I know how the school works and I don't think there's anywhere else that would make me feel at home other than there. Throughout the 20 weeks here, the first few weeks were tough. I had not yet adapt to being a teacher and secondly, I always felt so uncomfortable whenever I saw the teachers who said mean things to me/ those who looked down on me. Yes I still remember what was said. Its like everyone single time I see them, I'm reminded of the past. At the same time, I also saw the teachers who believed in me and gave me opportunities when no one else would. That made me feel so better. As the weeks went by, proving or showing how much I've changed wasn't on my mind anymore. Not a single bit. Even when I walk past certain teachers, those thoughts didn't really occur again. I guess that's because I spent the rest of my time doing what I'm suppose to do, spending time with the amazing people there and basically enjoying every single moment. Focus on what's really important and everything else will turn out fine. 2. Why do I feel so sad leaving? This is one question I kept asking myself. It's a question where I don't really have an answer, which is why I took more than a week to write this. It's like sometimes I feel like I have an answer but when I put the emotions aside, the answers are not what I want. It kept happening and happening, thus the delay in this post. You know, this is super emotional. Even weeks before I left, I actually cried a few times and every single time, I don't have a reason why. I was just sad. Now that I've written this post, I guess I have found the answer. Here it goes. When I graduated in 2013, or to be exact.. on prom night where all of us enjoyed ourselves. I looked at all my friends and I was so thankful for all the wonderful memories I made. But there was this disturbing feeling inside my heart. It felt like guilt. I looked at them and I felt extremely sorry for the way I treated people and I was hoping I could make it up for all the mistakes I made but then it was kinda too late. How terrible did I feel on the inside? Imagine going home after Prom night and then sitting down at the table and writing apology letters for people. Yeap that's how bad I felt and some of my friends would know about it. It was one crazy emotional night. Then in March 2016, it was one emotional return. But this time round, the emotions are different. It felt like a dream come true. To be able to step back here as a different role, different person & different objective. Life is now filled with purpose. This time round, I'm back to create memories with a new bunch of people and I was determined to make this experience such a good one where I will remember for a long time. One of the things I wanted to do was to try to prevent people from doing what I did in the past. I also wanted to be there to encourage people because I know an encouragement can make a big difference. So yeah, I left on September 1st and why am I emotional? I enjoyed my time here, met hundredths of people, created lots of memories, made a difference in a few people's life but why do I feel this way. As I look back at the past few months, there are so many events, incidents where I created memories but also learnt a few things along the way. Maybe pictures would allow me to show it but nah, there's so many for me to show. All these memories are gonna stay with me forever and I'm not even kidding. Maybe to the kids, I'm just another teacher who comes and go but to me, these kids are my first. Not my first kids haha but my first students. It's my first time doing all these and at this place? How will I ever forget this experience and the people here. Honestly, 2 reasons why I'm sad. 1. I don't know when I'll see these students again. I'm someone who gets emotionally attached easily. The thought of not being able to see them again just breaks me. It's like 20 weeks of relationship here just got cut and not knowing when I'll see them again. I can't find the words to describe this feeling because it honestly only can be felt when you are in my shoes. But what really breaks me is that I know some people are going the wrong path , yet I couldn't help and I'm so afraid things will get worse. I really don't know what I can do because there is only a certain limit I can go to. I'll keep them in prayers and hopefully one day, things will be different. 2. Felt like I could have done more. Its the feeling where I feel like I could have spoke more, encouraged more and maybe things could be a little different. None the less, I'm still glad I did what I could. I felt so touched reading all the written cards and all the Instagram post that people wrote for me.  Just take a look at one insta post!!  The insta account is a private one but I think can share right since the identity of the person isn't shown. Anyway, I don't even have to say much. The post itself is so encouraging to me. ''Even the littlest things like simply encouraging me & believing in me when I felt that nobody else did...'' ''Even smiling at me to brighten up my day a lil bc hey someone actually bothered to smile and wave at me, das nice..'' This to me is super touching. Sometimes I go to school feeling like crap. Sometimes, the things in my life makes me upset. Sometimes, I'm so tired that I don't even know what I'm doing. But I remember what my lecturer told me. He told me that whatever happens in our life, we gotta have professionalism. We do not let anything affect our work. To me, professionalism means we put everything aside and give our very best to what we're supposed to do. Smiling isn't part of my job but hey I'm just so encouraged to know that a smile and a wave could actually make someone's day :')I don't know exactly what's ahead of me but I'm very sure I'LL BE BACK. Love you guys.  |
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Monday, 25 July 2016
❛ Make a difference? ❜
This is week 15 of my internship here in Bedok View. It has been an amazing time here, there's so much joy every single day but more importantly, what have I learnt and what can be better? I'll share some of my thoughts about the past 15 weeks. It's gonna be like a reflection so I can make the last few weeks the the best. On 21st March 2016, I stepped back into BV as a PE intern. I was very happy to be back but it's also a very tough decision to come back after so much have happened here in the past. I was so nervous on the first day and the first event (?) I had to attend was the staff meeting.Well, there were many different responses from the staffs. Some were happy to see me, some were just lost while I guess the majority are kinda shock. I got different kinds of eyes and different attitudes and I felt like I was being looked down straight away. Sometimes, I just wish they can just treat me as a totally new person and forget about everything but nah its alright. It's totally alright. Anyway, a new staff and I had to give a self intro speech. She went first and she took out a piece of speech that she prepared. Turns out she has years of experience, that explains that speech HAHA. I was so lost and I can't remember exactly what I said but I'll never forget this line that I spoke, ' I know I wasn't the best student in the past. I used to be a subtraction but I hope to be an addition now that I'm here. ' I have a very clear idea of what I meant when I talked about being an addition. I'm definitely gonna be an addition to the PE Department but my main objective was to be an addition to the student's life. My goal is to make a difference in their lives. The first few weeks were really difficult for me, somehow I was very emotional. I brought back home lots of emotions from what I see in the lives of the students. I shared with one of my leaders from Church and I got a really good response.  Since day 1, there has been different teachers telling me this. ' You are a very different teacher because of who you were and what you've gone through. You have that experience most teachers don't have. Most teachers go through the normal route of being a guai kia to JC and then NIE. You are different, you know and understand the kids better with what you have. You can help them in your ways. ' I think 2-3 teachers said this to me and I'm extremely encouraged. In the past 15 weeks, there has been many different instances of people lying, skipping classes, playing with fire, disrespecting me and my instructions, scolding me with vulgar and also giving me attitude like walking away while I was talking. There's so many times I feel angry and I wish they could be well-behaved students but then I remembered I was just like them. I'm just glad no one pushed me. I also meet some people who are proud, goes through difficult relationships, families that doesn't understand the child, people who feels stress from studies. Initially, I didn't think much about it. I always just try to talk sense into people, encourage people etc. But you know, I don't think its a coincidence I meet all these people and I know about all these. When I made the pre-made decision that I'm gonna come here to make a difference, I believe God has already planned that I meet all these people. When the teachers told me I can help the kids with my experience, I guess this is what they mean. I was actually making a difference . Though there were some days, I reacted wrongly and said things I shouldn't have said..... Since my secondary school days, I grew a lot and it was because there were teachers, friends and leaders who believed in me and constantly encouraged me. These are the people who gave me an idea of who I want to become. I wanna be someone who loves and encourages the students. I guess to love and encourage there has to some sort of relationship first and this is probably where I made a mistake. I started off as super friendly and I still am. Of course, with the friendship, conversations and everything becomes a lot easier but there's a price to pay. You know when students get too comfortable with you, they totally treat you like a friend friend friend and it gets hard during lessons. This is something I learn but with 5-6 more weeks to go, I have no intention of being strict or whatsoever. I've reached the end of the post and the most important question I have to ask myself is this, ' Have I been an addition or a subtraction?' The answer is I've actually been both an addition and subtraction. Even though I've made some difference in people's lives, there was actually a lot more opportunities for me to do more, speak more but I somehow I just didn't. In terms of subtraction? I guess I am a subtraction when I have an opportunity to teach values but I didn't. Somehow, that makes students think its ok to do what they're doing. NOW THAT'S DEFINITELY AN SUBTRACTION. In the last 5 weeks, I have a more specific goal in mind. Time to make it happen. Will share about it when my intern ends!! Time to conquer :)) |
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Tuesday, 22 March 2016
❛ Internship ❜
I started my internship in school for only 2 days and I already feel so much. I feel so emotionally challenged. My heart hurts, I don't even know why. My heart hurts for the students whom I don't even know their names. It just hurts. I just wanna share about this particular incident that happened today.
Anyway, before I share. I went to look for the cleaner who used to clean my block's level 4!! I always remember talking to her about many things and its so nice to see her again!! Ok so after talking, we were walking to the canteen and while on our way there, I saw a bunch of girls sitting outside class, skipping class to be exact. They didn't even panic or whatsoever when they saw me. It just shows something lor. I looked into the class and I saw this teacher. This teacher was a teacher I used to disturb a lot and I skip her class very often. They were doing exactly the same thing as I did. When I saw them, it felt like I was looking at my old self. I knew I had to do something. I went there and tried talking to them and to get them back into class.
 Well, as you can see. I didn't even stand, look down and talk to them. I squat down and I want to talk to them as a friend and not as a teacher. I want to make them feel comfortable and maybe listen to me. I tried sharing how I used to skip class like them but they interrupted me and told me there's actually only 1 person being chased out of class. The rest of them are accompanying another girl who is going through issues in her life. I just somehow didn't know what to say, idek why. It always happens to me. I just told them not to skip any more and walked away after that. I only talked to the girl who has some issues after the bell rang. But I don't think that made much of a difference. I really should have asked the group of them to go back into class la ogmalfmakldjasljal. As a student, whenever I look back at my what I did. I would say I'm actually thankful for all that because it was fun and life would be quite boring without all those. But at the same time, I'm also thankful for teachers who continued to believe in me and tried to help me even though I kept rebelling. I know they are students and they wanna skip class etc. I want to be a teacher like how my teachers treated me but I just walked away :( WHAT WAS I DOING. It just feels weird being a teacher, maybe I just need to adapt faster. Well, it really breaks my heart because I see them wasting their life and they might end up regretting :( I was a student and honestly, it was fun but it was such a waste of time doing such stupid things. I was very clear on what I wanted to do when I'm here. To do well in PE classes and also be a friend to all students in whatever areas of their life. I personally feel I'm not doing well in both. Some people can say its only day 2, I should take it slow and improve slowly?? 2 days? well 2 days to be is a lot. 2 days means 2 wasted days. 2 days means I failed to help them a little bit more. 2 days means a lot. Maybe I'm too nice but I guess my way of approaching the issue was wrong. ahhhhh |
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Tuesday, 9 February 2016
❛ Fail to plan. Plan to fail. ❜
2 years ago, I started my poly life in Republic Polytechnic. I'm in school of sports, health and leisure, studying sports coaching. At the beginning, there were some people who disturbed me. They would say remarks like, '' RP stands for rejected poly. '' Some would even say RP is the ITE of poly. Honestly, it hurts a little bit but it doesn't really affect me because I have a goal and I know what I want at the end of the day.
In RP, all students have to do a reflective journal every single day. One of the first few reflective journal I wrote was about having philosophy. Ask any coach out there, we all have our own coaching philosophies. The question was, '' Write your life philosophy and your coaching philosophy.'' '' I’m only 17 years old and I know I have not been through a lot but I can say that life definitely has ups and downs. It is impossible for someone to have a perfect life throughout.
My life philosophy is that negative things can
happen in our lives but we have a choice whether to let it affect us or not.
Some people allows it to affect them and they do badly in other stuff too. I
choose to be positive and keep moving forward regardless of whatever is
happening. Even if I fall from the negativity, I will get back on track and
keep moving. That’s the true spirit of a champion. When you are positive,
you’’ll be amazed by how much you can actually do compared to someone who is
negative.
I also believe that I can learn something from someone I meet. I feel that everyone has something we can learn from, just that we are able to learn more from certain people. I have many coaching philosophy but I’m going to talk about 3 which I think is the most important. They are are teaching the athletes values through sports, long term development and to build and nurture relationships with athletes. Firstly, I feel that values are the most important thing that an athlete should learn. Some of the core values I personally feel is the most important will be respect, integrity and determination. These are just some of the values that will not only help them become a better athlete but also a better person in their lives and being a better person among the people around them. When they learn to respect their teammates, coaches and athletes, they will naturally respect their family and friends and teachers in school too.
Integrity is also very important and it should
be taught since young. If integrity is not taught, they will grow up lying to
people around them. The athlete might even take banned substance to enhance
their performance.
I want my athletes to have determination and not people who gives up easily when faced with challenges. I want them to know that with determination, they will be amazed by how much their body/ mind can do to achieve things that they thought they couldn’t do. If you realized, all these values which I have mentioned not only help them as an athlete but as a person. An athlete’s career is short but the values they learn will stay with them forever. Secondly, long term development is also very important. There are some coaches out there where their philosophy is to win at a young age like the secondary level. Some of the athletes have not even had their puberty yet but the coach wants to win so he/she would put them through tough gym training. They may perform very well for their age but their athlete life will end very short, maybe before the age of 20. I will definitely plan out my training programme for many years. I believe that it’s alright that the athletes don’t win at the secondary will because they will do well in their twenties. Lastly, building and nurturing a relationship with the athlete. A relationship needs to be formed so there would be trust. With a strong and good relationship, the athlete will listen to the values and advices I give. They will not feel frustrated when they see others succeeding at a young age while they’’re not because they know and understand my long term development plan. A strong and healthy relationship is the key to everything. '' After being in this course for 2 years, I've been exposed to a few coaching opportunities both locally and overseas. I also had some conversations regarding the future prospects and the expected salary with my lecturers and friends. My eyes and heart have been opened ( larger ). The road ahead will be tough. The salary I earn at the start might not be something impressive. However, I have no regrets being in this course and my coaching philosophy have not changed. I still stand firm with what I believe in. I've been to Indonesia and Malaysia. The culture and the way the kids behave etc are all very different. But one thing that is the same for all is the smile and joy they show when they enjoy the coaching session.  
Just some of the photos taken locally.
Sadly, I can't find the photos from the trip to Indonesia. That was one life changing trip where many of us will definitely remember for life. I wasn't able to communicate with the kids there but I was touched to see the kids not wanting us to go. My friend couldn't bear to leave them that he was crying. It just goes to show the little things we do through a sport can make such a big difference in one's life.
" That's the beauty of coaching. You get to touch lives, you get to make a difference. You get to do things for people who will never pay you back and they say you never have had a perfect day until you've done something for someone who will never pay you back.'' - Morgan Wootten
But before we can coach, we need to be qualified to do so. Graduating from this diploma isn't enough. We all need to get more certs to enable us to coach. One of the cert I've always wanted since I was 14 is the International Association of Athletics Federation Level 1 Coaching cert. While many can't wait to turn 18 so they can enter clubs, drink, smoke etc freely without being afraid of the law. I can't wait to turn 18 so I can attend this course and get my hands on the cert. I'm even one of the 10 people who qualified for the level 2 cert.
 However, coaching is very different from other jobs. The one with better qualifications doesn't mean is the better coach. Coaching is about what you can do for the athlete. I may be one of the 10 who is eligible for level 2 but I can say with confidence. There's people who can coach better than me even though they didn't qualify for level 2. In school, I also have a pretty bad GPA but I can also say with confidence, I can coach better than some who has a better GPA. I'm not someone who plans. I hate planning and I struggle to do so. Maybe that explains why I'm always such a mess. The photo below is a annual periodization plan. It's a basically planning out the year for the team/athlete. The plan I'm showing isn't that detailed. It has to be more detailed.  I was pulling my hair out when I was tasked to do this. I mean I can't even do a simple lesson plan. JUST ONE LESSON and I'm struggling. How am I going to plan a yearly plan. I can coach but if I can't plan then what's the point of coaching?? My class behaviour and the work that I submit during October-December were all terrible and I didn't cared. Or maybe I was too tired to do so, oops. One of my lecturer came into class on 2nd December and he said, '' I couldn't sleep well last night beacsue I had a dream last night and I was scolding you in my dream. Your performance in class has been very bad, so you better not make me angry today if not I'll scold you. '' I was cautious but I still got scolded in the end. It was the first time I got scolded in my poly life? Ask around and I'm sure many people don't even get scolded because in poly, most lecturers don't even bother. I got scolded pretty bad and I was also quite defensive when I got scolded. lol please don't learn from me. I actually got scolded because my lesson plan was terribly planned and when I actually executed the lesson, it was so bad. My lecturer's dream came true. He scolded me ;(
The improved version is actually my lesson plan for my exam. I managed to get 8.5/10 for this planning. I remember doing so much research just to do this plan because I have no experience in badminton. I really dislike planning and I found it so hard because I don't know badminton. Some of my friends asked me to switch a sport but I told them it's alright, I'm just gonna stick to what's posted to me. FYI, we can only choose between net-barrier sport/ invasion games. No track and field for me :( Even when I had my practical exam, one of the lecturer even asked me, '' You know badmintion? '' and I said no. But after he looked at my plan, he told me to follow the plan and assured that I'll be fine if I stick to the plan. True enough, I did quite well and I managed to get a B+ for my overall grade. I'm definitely very happy with my results and also I've learnt something new. As long as we have a clear plan of what we want to do and what we want the student's to achieve at the end of the session, we'll be able to execute it well. I have no experience in badminton but I managed to do it. It just goes to show that planning can make a huge difference. Tomorrow morning, it's the final lesson for this module and we'll all be sent out to YioChuKang Secondary / YuYing Secondary to conduct a one hour PE lesson. I'll be going to YCK Sec to coach 20 secondary three students. Thankfully, I can coach athletics this time round. I'm a little nervous because this will be the biggest group of students I'm going to face. This time round, I'll be alone. I've made a plan that is quite detailed and I really do hope I can do a great job tomorrow. I'm not getting paid and I can screw up this entire thing if I want to. I can choose not to turn up too but I really hope I can offer something for the kids there tomorrow. I really do hope they'll enjoy the lesson. Kids of YCK Sec, I'm definitely not the best coach in the world, definitely not one of the most confident but I really really hope you guys will enjoy the session tomorrow. #letsgo Let tomorrow be a training ground before I head out for intern. Hopefully Bedok View contacts me soon!! 10/2/2016 *update* No photos of me coaching because Ms Josephine Tay never send............  Woohooo, the coaching session at YCK sec went well! There are just some things I need to get used to and also improve on. I'm still not used to people calling me, '' teacher''. When the first student called me that, I said, '' HUH?''. I then took a few seconds before I answered him. I'm just not used to such terms yet. Call me coach leh. Also, when I ended the lesson, the students said something like, '' Thank you teacher and have a wonderful day. '' I was so awkward!!! A few moments before my lesson, I was told that I would be getting all the female students. I wasn't sure what exactly I was feeling. I actually thought it was a little weird because I didn't know what to expect from the girls but I'm glad it turned out well. The girls were all well behaved. Sometimes a little talkative but they're all very very nice students. Thank you students, y'all made my day :) Anyway, its the first time I said this, '' Ok class, we shall not continue until they stop talking.'' HAHAHAH. In the past, it's always the teachers saying it to me. Now, I'm using what I learnt from my teachers. It works pretty well, you know!! HAHAHA As a student, many of us thank our teachers at the end of the lesson because its like a routine. Many of us don't really mean it when we say it. But somehow, when they thanked me yesterday, I felt very happy even though they probably don't mean it. I'm just very happy they enjoyed my coaching session and they were all laughing and enjoying during the session. People really need to realize that being a teacher/coach is more than just an occupation. The students under our care are like our children. I'm not saying we have to babysit etc but we treat them like our kids where we want them to learn and we want them to do well. Don't coach / teach just for the sake of doing it/ just to get paid. If you simply want to get paid, please go somewhere else where no lives are involved. Being a coach/ teacher simply means changing lives. If everyone understands this, the standard of teaching and coaching will definitely improve. Oh well, just extremely thankful for the opportunity. I'm still not very confident but this experience has definitely allowed me to be more confident as a coach. Looking forward to more coaching opportunities. I AM IAAF LEVEL 1 CERTIFIED COACH. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HIRE ME ALREADY. I NEED A JOB. |
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Sunday, 24 January 2016
❛ The end of an exhilarating journey. Now what? ❜
Hello, it's been so long since I actually have time to actually sit down to think and write. I'm so glad to be writing this today. I'm also feeling excited to share about the past 7 months where I've learnt and grown so much as a person. Some of you will know that I blogged about stopping track in June 2015 but I didn't stop. I looked back at the past 2-3 years and I realize I've been going through quite a number of injuries and if this is how I'm gonna end it, I just felt like it isn't a good way to end it. I wanted to give my best shot and end it on a high. At that point of time, I've already left my running club and I was without a coach. I decided to join my school's long distance coach, Adrian Tan. Yes, I'm a sprinter but I train with the long distance team. That's because I've been coached by him before and I really love how he communicates with his athletes. So on the 22nd of June, I started my comeback with a 400m time trial. I remember clocking a 58s and I was disappointed but I expected that so yeap. I had only 5 months to go and my aim was only to be part of the 4x400m team. I thought it might be impossible so at one point I even tried out long jump and triple jump training but I quit trying after 2-3 trainings. I realized running is my thing and I'm gonna work my ass off for that spot. Instead of having the usual 3 trainings per week, I increased my training to 5 times a week. Putting in extra gym work to get the power and strength back.
Throughout July, I was training and training and it was always about me. It felt quite purposeless and I wanted this journey to be something more meaningful. I wanted to show that no injuries would stop me from continuing and achieving. I wanted to show that with hardwork, dedication and sacrifice, I can achieve. That was something that kept me going.
By the end of July, I had improved quite a bit but I was so tired trying to juggle both school and trainings. I was telling one of my friend how tired I was and I received this. Encouraged me so much. So so much. 
''Heading off to Kallang for training now. Gonna be training with a
slight fever, flu and sore throat. Terrible feeling but I'm gonna do it because
I'll be doing my first hurdles training?? I only get to do it once every week
so ya. As an athlete and soon to be coach, I shoudn't be doing this but...
sometimes we just gotta do something different. To be honest, I wouldnt even be
here in the past. I used to run for myself. This time round its different.''
I was not doing it for myself anymore. It is for God. It is for those who believed in me.
But you know, as much as I tried to hang on, I was so tired that I was struggling to clock the required timings / complete the trainings. On the 1st of September, I wanted to give my myself 3-4 days of full rest. However, I was training around 4 times a week at that point and I would feel uneasy not training. Guess what I did, I went to train my flexibility by attempting splits and I injured my hamstring in the process.
On the 23rd of September, I received the news that they'll be holding a 400m time trial in a week time and it will determine if I make it or not and the biggest problem was that I'm injured and I've not trained consistently for the past 2 weeks. I was afraid but I never stopped believing. ''Believing is enough. It's all about the heart. With the right heart, I can overcome anything and everything. Not alone but with God. Time to get it going. '' A day or two before the time trial, I was psychologically affected due to many things happening in my life but I was so thankful that God answered my prayers and allowed me to focus on the time trial. Timing wasn't fantastic but I was eligible for all the events. From that day on, my spot was kinda confirmed and I was finally on my way to POLITE.
What encouraged me a lot during that week was an instagram post by my friend.
One of the best memory I had with her was running 600m x 3 together, I was pacing her and it was so fun to watch her suffer during training. jk Hebrews 12:1 '' Therefore since we are surrounded by such great cloud of witnessess...'' The run felt great because I feel like I'm being reminded, I'm not alone in this physical race but also the spiritual race. I remember her telling me, '' Whenever God closes a door, he has greater things in store for you! Jiayou in your pursuit of His kingdom and your rewards are definitely waiting for you in Heaven!! :-) Jy jingjie!!'' She probably commented the most ''jiayou'' on my instagram. Always encouraged by the comments and I remember her telling me,'' its just 2 words. '' My reply was, '' Well then you need to know 2 words can make a huge difference. 2 words can make a difference between failure or success. Every word makes a difference and I really appreciate you always commenting, encouraging and supporting. I'm really thankful to have a buddy like you. '' Really eh, every word we encourage can actually make a whole lot of difference. I think her face deserves to be here. So here it is. 
Ok moving on. The month of October was one that was filled with lots of uncertainty. I was still injured and I had 2 races on the 25th of October. It was a period of time where I needed a miracle.
Even though I was injured, I was super excited to race because there's 3 national athletes in the startlist. I see that as a privilege. Sadly, 2 of them didn't turn up. Oh well, an unexpected thing happened from InterClub2015. My first ever hurdles race and I went home with a bronze and 100bucks.
It was amazing being able to win a medal from just the first race but with a medal, it simply means higher expectations from everyone. Many people actually started telling me, '' POLITE gold medal ah? Can one. '' I hated pressure and I was quite affected by all the pressure because I felt like I needed to perform well for everyone. I didn't want to disappoint. The pressure was building up so much and I spoke to my friend about it. 
As POLITE came, there wasn't just pressure from people. At some point of time, I realized I was actually putting pressure on myself too. I actually had thoughts of winning the gold. The pressure affected me and I didn't feel happy even when I was training. Sometimes, we're constantly chasing and running, we forget why we started it. For me, it was about being happy and enjoying moment. I kept telling and reminding myself to enjoy the process, no pressure.
 With all the pressure around, I went out and enjoyed myself. I even went home with a gold medal. ''This one is for everyone who stood by me, supported me and encouraged me. The past few months have been pretty tough, but the support has been amazing. Really thank you everyone!!! Also this victory is for the late Zaki Sapari (on the red shirt), National Junior Record holder for the 400m Hurdles. The last time an athlete from RP won the 400m Hurdles was back in 2011 and yeap Zaki was the one. You inspire me, thank you so much. "If you whack, you will die. If you don't whack, you still die. So just whack. As long as I give me best, I'm satisfied. " - Zaki Sapari''
I did mention I
was running this race for a few people? Zaki is one of them.So happy I'm able
to share this victory on the podium with him/ for him.
Really thankful to be given an opportunity to run. Back in June, all I wanted to do was to be part of the 4x400m team. I ended up running the 400m (7th), 400mH (1st), 4x400m (2nd). I've never imagined this happening, wow. All these are not just because I worked hard, I'm pretty sure this is a God given talent.
Even with the great result, I wasn't exactly happy with what I'm doing. Yes results in terms of results are great. Honestly, I won the gold with a little bit of luck. My race execution , hurdling and momentum were all pretty bad. As for the 4x400m, I ran a bad timing and the reason why we have the silver is because the team carried me. Someone asked me, '' Is it because you have high expectations for yourself?''Both yes and no. I expect myself to run a better race. I don't mind missing out on a medal or coming in last if I give my best and I ran well. The issue is I won but it wasn't my best and it could have been better. Moving on to IVP, training was pretty messed up but there was also less expectations from everyone because we're all racing with the big boys. I wasn't even thinking about others that much because I was facing so much difficulty clearing hurdles during training. I constantly failed to clear the hurdles for all the training. It was so frustrating, I felt like kicking and breaking every single hurdle I see. It was so frustrating but looking back now, I overcame it right? :) A day before the race : '' Confidence isn't high due to all the little setbacks. Well, it doesn't matter right. When I'm on the startline tomorrow, its a new race and I'm gonna go in with a new attitude and a brand new confidence. Most importantly, I'm going to enjoy the race and enjoy the moment :) To God be the glory.''
400m Hurdles!!! 1st in my timed final. 4th overall.
Finished off IVP2016 with a silver in the 4x400m relay.   Broke my PB in the 400mH by a massive 0.86s but yeah it wasn't my best too. But it doesn't matter anymore because I'm done for now. Looking back the past 7 months, I really enjoyed the time spent on and off the track. There were more struggles than victories but I enjoyed it. I have learnt and I have broke through both on and off track. Don't wanna talk much about my races because it can all be found on @heartofrunning. My journey can be found there and you'll be able to see my joy, struggles and how I overcame all of it. Don't wanna talk about all of it in this blogpost because that's not my motive for writing this post.  Typed this on the 24th of August. At the end of the journey, I asked myself. '' Did I manage to inspire others?''
Personally, I feel I do inspire others. I hope I do ok HAHA. I received more messages from people telling me about it so I guess I do. We'll have to look further to see if I really do inspire others so yeap.
'' Have I accomplished my goal?'' My goal was pretty simple, to run the 4x400m for POLITE. I have achieved more than that and I'm so extremely thankful.
''One thing that I'm thankful for/ one thing that has brought me the greatest joy.''
The people and the relationships here. Medals are great but no one remembers my victory in a few years time. The relationships formed throughout the past 7 months will continue to last. Being able to inspire and encourage people feels great too. The memories formed will stay with me forever. I'm really thankful for this amazing bunch of people who always brought so much joy and laughter. Joining you guys was a great decision. Thank you so much. '' What have I learnt from the past 7 months? '' More than just developing physical and technical skills, I have learnt life lessons. Lessons that cannot be taught but learnt through experience. Character and capacity have grown to a new level. Actually, words are not even able to describe what it has taught me. It's just something you can put it into your own life. If anyone has the opportunity to walk this path that I took, please do. You'll take away many valuable lessons. Anyway, some of my friends have been asking me some questions and I thought it would be great to get some of my friends to ask me too. Here’s the questions. 1.How/ Why did you start track?
When I was in primary 6, I ran my 1.6km
pretty well so my PE teacher told me to DSA to VS. That was the first time I kinda believed I
could do well in a sport. Unfortunately, I missed the deadline for it. As I
moved on into Secondary school. There was only 2 CCAs i was interested in,
track & NCC. Obviously, I picked track and that's how I got started.
2.What made you fall in love with track?
/ Where did you get the passion from?
For the first few months in track, I was
fooling around. After 2 of my friends left track , I got serious about it. I
ran my first race (400m) after only 4 months in track and I clocked 63s. I
walked/jogged the last 10m because I didn't know where was the finish line
HAHAH. The lactic got into me. Yeap my coach was so proud and happy of my
timing. I guess I fell in love after that race.
3.What do you like most about being in
track?
I like the feeling of being able to run
fast. I love the speed and the pain from lactic. Honestly, I cant really
answer this question. I just really like the feeling where I feel like I'm
cutting through the air fast and efficient?
4.What motivates you to train ¾ times
per week? / What keeps you going? / How do you stay motivated in running?
It's not so much about motivation.
Motivation to constantly improve, to feel faster and be faster got me
started. It's discipline that got me going and going.
Some days, I just wanna stay in and sleep/ go home instead but I still get up and train. Simply because I remember my dreams and goals.
'' Let your dreams be bigger than your fears, your actions louder than your words, and you faith stronger than your feelings. ''
5.Why do u still continue track even
after suffering from injuries so many times because of track?
I've sustained different injuries since
sec 2. I never had the thought of quitting just because of injuries. I always
feel that injuries are just setback for a comeback. Injuries is just a
launching pad for a greater breakthrough. I was down but never out. I'm built
to last. Without all the injuries, I wouldn't have learnt and grown so much
also.
6.What makes you train so hard?
With a goal in mind and
having the discipline to keep it going.
7.What’s your most memorable race?
400m CBoys Final. Going into the race
with an injury and tearing moments before the race was tough but I finished
4th, pretty unexpected. One of the best season I had.
8.Was there ever a regret in any race?
If yes, why? If no, why not? / Biggest regret in track.
I don't really have a regret in track. I
always let experiences and decisions be something I can learn from and not
something I regret. For e.g, at the recent 400mH race, my target was to clock
below 60s. I clocked 60.12s because I slowed down the last 3 steps, thinking I
manage to do so. Regrets? Nah, I learn that we really gotta give our best till
we cross the line.
9.Why do you do hurdles instead of
sprinting?
I'm actually doing both sprints and
hurdles. Started out hurdles just to try it out but i was technically
quite good so I focused more on hurdles.
10.How do you balance between studies
and track?
I'm probably one of the last person you
should ask. I'm actually not doing well when it comes to balancing both. But
what I find it hard, I just think of what and how my inspiration does it. It
inspires me to hang on and be versatile to whatever that comes my way.
Well, I'm not exactly quitting. I'll
still be running to keep my fitness level there. It just wont be my priority
anymore because I feel I've been called for a greater purpose.
13.What are your plans in track?
For now, I'll be running whenever I have
the time to do so. You'll never know what the future holds. One day, I'll be
coaching and to give back to the sport that has built and grown me.
Maybe in 16 years, I'll represent Singapore in the masters? HAHAH so old. Please come and support me.
14.How do you feel like after your last
race, especially when now definitely there's people trying to convince you to
not give it up.
Yeap, there's a few people who are telling me to stay and run for one more year. Well, one year may sound like a short time but in this short time, there's many other things I can do? I don't really know how I feel. I'm just very thankful for everything that has happened in the past 7 months. I definitely wish I can have the best of both world but time and sleep is already something I struggle with. To add in more commitments and to juggle it? Almost impossible.
15 .I know you say you wanna give up for
God. Is there any part of unwillingness in u now? Especially you're doing well now.
I'm doing well. Indeed, I'm doing pretty well. I'm actually at my best form ever. I'm a stronger athlete than before and I'm picking up form. To give up now, I feel its a waste but if I'm to think back. I wouldn't even have started this journey if at the beginning God did not speak to me about laying it down. I guess it's all kind linked and planned. I personally feel I've accomplished quite a lot and I've inspired whoever I can. I'm done here and it's time to go.
16. How far do you think you will
continue track life (quite competitively) if God didn't asked you to stop?
Very very very far. I'm only into my 5th year into the sport, there's still much to work on and improve on. I always see myself competing till 28-30 years old so yeap.
18. 1 verse
that keep you going in track and now out of track, what's that verse that will
keep you going to run for your vision/ your greater significance.
Deuteronomy 31:6 '' Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.''
This verse encouraged and spoke to me because it was very frustrating to be injured. Confidence was low at times and sometimes it's hard to trust my own abilities but this verse just shows that God is with me and it makes a whole lot of difference.
2 Timothy 4:7
''I have
fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.''
The physical race and the spiritual one is very similar. Just like the physical one where there are setbacks and valleys. The spiritual one is the same. I wanna use what I learn from the physical and put it into the spiritual one. Hanging on and fighting till the end.
19.what are
your plans in life?
How about plans for the next few months? 3 more weeks of school, I just wanna finish well and I can't wait to start internship. I guess its gonna be pretty fun interacting and coaching kids :)
20. What's one thing that you'd change in your life after being in track all these years?
There are some days where we have bad trainings. However, I always tell myself to forget about it and to focus on what's ahead of me. One thing I really wanna change is to do the same in life. I wanna forget about the struggle and pain in life and just focus on whats ahead.
21. What are
your plans after giving up track?
I don't have a specific plan yet because I just ended last week? My plan is simply to do more in the CG/Church. As for now, I honestly need to get proper rest before I start on something new.
22. Are you
gonna substitute track with a new sport to keep you going or?
I'll still be running ( not as often ) because I actually signed up for a 21km fun run which will be happening in April so I gotta run to stay fit. Yeap definitely gonna be running to keep me going. But if i get to choose a new sport, I would pick diving/ gymnastics/ canoeing. I personally feel if I have an opportunity to take part in these sports, I'll learn something new too. However, I'm quite certain no other sports will mean as much to me.
23. Will you lose yourself if you don't continue track?
Yeah I guess so. To totally walk away from something that means so much to me, it's gonna hurt. To walk away from something that has taught me so much and has given me so many memories, it's tough. To walk away from something that I do so often, I'll definitely lose myself. I definitely will.
I'm so thankful my sport is a sport that can happen anywhere and anytime. I can simply run anywhere. Water sports like canoeing is much tougher though. They have to get the boats etc and they cant really pick the timings. Well, I'll lose myself if I dont which is why I'll still be in the scene :) Before I end of, I just wanna be clear to whoever that is reading. I am stopping competitive training. Which simply means, I'll be training less and trainings will not be my priority any more. I'll still be training whenever I have the time.
Everything has to come to an end. The past 7 months has been amazing. I came and I conquered. I definitely did not walk this journey alone. God and a bunch of amazing friends was always with me. Thank you friends! :)
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