Understanding and knowing. There's a huge difference between this two words. To me, knowing means you have a knowledge for something and understanding means you know why is it like that. OK nevermind, I'm not very good in explaining the differences but let me use an example to show you. For example, many people know what to study for their exams but not many people understand what they are studying because they are just memorizing whatever they see. I think you all understand what I'm trying to say right? Anyway, I hope you do not judge me after reading this post because you will know some things about me even my closest friends do not know but if you have to then it's fine :)

Alright, now I'm going to talk about the main point. Many people often says '' All parents know their children best''. Yup, I would say it's true. My parents know what I need, what I like, what I dislike. They know many things and the list can keep going on and on. However, they do not understand me. They think they understand me by knowing me but nope, they don't understand.

Ever since I entered secondary school life, my life has been a total roller coaster ride. School has been really fun but there's also lots of problems. Facing disciplinary issues, relationship problems with teachers, friends etc. Well, I would say I got myself into all these troubles and problems myself due to my stupid attitude and behaviour. I wouldn't blame anyone, I know my mistakes.

For certain issues like the most recent one, I just hope they would like understand what is going through inside me. Every single day, my thoughts and my feelings keeps coming back to kill me. My attitude seems to be really bad. I feel like I'm a girl pmsing. Ok wait wait, pause! Just a question for all of you, do all your parents think that you go to school to study without any  problems? My parents think that way. Now, we see the problem, because they think that way, they will never know/understand the problems.

With Olevels coming soon and my grades are still bad even though I made a little improvement, my mum is getting more scared than I am. She screams at me for almost everything and like non-stop since forever.  I'm like pmsing and she's like screaming and screaming so obviously a war would happen. Yes, I do fight with her verbally every day. Go on and judge me. It's just so crazy living here in this house, not home(a place with love and understanding). Some people will start thinking,"go and have a good talk with them" Nono way, we just never have this type of conversation. It will be so awkward and they probably won't understand anyway.

I swear it's so tough living here. Thoughts of leaving this house kept coming back so I asked two of my closer friends what they would say if i do leave. One said "good for you." The other said " Itz impossible to survive on your own out there. If you dont like home. I suggest you go out find a job and earn money...live in hostel... But don't spoil the relationship with your family, you will need them in some part of your life and you"ll find yourself missing them."
One doesn't seem to care, the other cares but doesn't seem to understand. Abxmflslsksk, my life is 'awesome'.

7 days a week, 6 days of hell. Where's the other 1day? Sunday isn't such a bad day. I'm starting to love sundays because of Church! It really do seems to be the place where I can forget about my troubles. Running was the only thing which made me forget about my troubles but now it's not the only thing! :)

Actually, if you read my other posts, there are always something you can learm from. But today, there isn't anything for you to learn. I just wanted to express my feelings. Oh and I don't need people to come and tell me things like "cheer up", I don't need it hahaha. Just leave me alone :)

"我寂寞寂寞就好
这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱
就让我一个人去 痛到 受不了
想到 快疯掉
死不了就还好 "